Author: kathleenjowitt

December Reflections 26: quiet moment

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Christmas tree illuminated in turquoise, blue, magenta and purple, in a dark room

We went out to Wicken Fen today; it was about as quiet as you’d expect of a National Trust site on Boxing Day. (That’s not entirely fair: there were plenty of moments where I could hear the birds – and the squeaks of the pushchair wheel and my husband’s shoes.)

The quiet moment came this evening, when the toddler and I went out for a walk around the block to look at the lights. A few of the illuminations have disappeared (ours will be staying up for the full twelve days), and there were more dark windows than usual (people gone away for Christmas, I suppose) but there were still enough to make it worth the trip. There wasn’t anyone else out: just the two of us, the mist, and the lights.

And then, later, this quiet moment between bedtimes. I love coming downstairs when everything’s dark except the tree.

December Reflections 25: today is…

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The west front of Ely cathedral against a grey sky. A flag is flying from the tower.

… never simply what you expect, is it? I try to say it was quiet, but there was a congregation of hundreds and the organ was going full strength. It was grey, with a chilly dampness in the air that made it feel colder than the thermometer suggested, but the lights are cheerful. (I always imagine crisp, clear, frosty Christmases, with pale sunlight or sharp-edged stars. But how many of my teenage winters were muffled by sea-mists?) The sparrows were yelling in the ivy. Christmas dinner happened on time but not all of us ate it.

A couple of weekends ago I reminded my Cursillistas that the idea of the “perfect Christmas” is an idol of late capitalism, and that most of my pet peeves (singing the last verse of O come all ye faithful, for example) are red herrings, distractions. It doesn’t do to get too attached to expectations.

Because whatever went wrong today, Christ is born, the Word became flesh, modern technology compensates for being hundreds of miles away from the rest of the family, and Christmas has begun.

December Reflections 24: traditions

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A plate of breaded white fish with peas, sweetcorn and potato alphabet letters: some of these spell "Noel"

… are somewhat malleable. No barszcz tonight, I’m not sure if we have any opłatek, and this fish certainly hasn’t been swimming in our bathtub (not that we’ve ever had a carp swimming in our bathtub). Still, it *is* a fish meal. Traditions from my side: tree decorated while listening to the Nine Lessons and Carols. Nobody made mince pies or iced the cake, though; all that’s going to have to wait until my gallbladder comes out.

I’m not feeling up to the midnight service: disappointed about that (it’s very rare that I get an opportunity to concentrate in church these days) but I will revive Pa’s tradition of Not Going To Midnight Mass (And Reading Gray’s Elegy Instead).

December Reflections 23: hearts

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Two Lebkuchen hearts and one star on a saucer, with a string of red-painted wooden hearts

If I were a character in a video game I’d probably be on about three hearts at the moment. Not at death’s door by any means, but having to be a little bit careful. It’s not the time for swishing around with a sword; it’s time to take things easy, recharge a bit.

In human terms, I’m just at the depressing stage of a cold where I’m despairing of ever feeling better again. Of course, this not being my first cold, I know perfectly well that this is itself a symptom and I’ll probably be fine by Christmas. In the meantime, I need to do as little as I can bear to.

Which is a little frustrating, two days before Christmas. It’s not as frustrating as it might have been, because we decided long ago that trying to do trad Christmas with a dodgy gallbladder and a seventeen month old was a mug’s game, so it’s all coming out of boxes this year. But – breaking news! – my gallbladder is coming out this year! So technically I could cook something nice for New Year.

And I do like the idea – but I don’t seem to have the energy or the enthusiasm to do anything more than flip listlessly through Delia Smith’s Happy Christmas. Maybe I’ll recover some motivation between now and then. Maybe I won’t. In the meantime, Lebkuchen come ready made. One of these days I’d like to try making them myself. Not this year, though.

December Reflections 22: one year ago

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In a sunset sky streaked with reddish purple clouds, one patch stands out in startling iridescent pale blue.

I don’t seem to have taken a photo on 22nd December 2023, but here’s a nacreous cloud from the 23rd. And of course this was a leap year, so I did in fact take this 365 days ago.

It’s particularly pleasing to see interesting sky features around Christmas. I remember one year, staying with the in-laws, getting back from the midnight service as Christmas Eve turned into Christmas morning and looking up to see a shooting star. This year, as noted yesterday, it’s mostly been grey – but we’re not there yet.

December Reflections 20: gold

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A packet of 12 gilt plastic apple-shaped Christmas tree decorations

I’ve been spending more time (and also more money) in charity shops this year; it comes of spending more time in town. Yesterday I wandered into the Sue Ryder shop (with some assistance from a kind person who held the door for the pushchair) and found these golden apples. They reminded me immediately of a set of four polystyrene, white-leaved, iridescent-glittered apple-shaped Christmas tree decorations from my childhood. The fight over who got to put them on the tree was always vicious: for some reason the obvious solution, do one each, was unacceptable. So I bought these ones in a fit of nostalgia, and because I was already on a bit of a kick buying tree decorations that the toddler and the cat probably couldn’t break. I hope they’ll turn out to be not so much the apples of discord.

But they sparked some other associations, too. Narnia. Jesus Christ the apple tree. The fascination with orchards and walled gardens and fruit trees that’s been a fixture in my head since we first viewed this house, five winters ago, and realised that the bare trees against the garage wall had labels telling us what sort of pears they were. Martin Luther claiming that even if the world were going to end tomorrow, he would still plant his apple tree. (Was Nevil Shute thinking of that when he wrote his gardening couple facing down the apocalypse in On the Beach?)

The best time to plant an apple tree being twenty years ago. Well, our predecessors in this house did that for us. (Yes, apples as well as pears.) The second best time being now. As for the best time to convert an evergreen into an enchanted tree growing golden apples – well, probably Tuesday.

December Reflections 19: proud of myself for…

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Knitted sock in two shades of purple. The beginning of the second sock is still on the knitting needles.

Apparently I knit socks now. Which is another way of saying, persevering. I have learned how to knit in the round, on double-pointed needles, from a chart, in a fancy pattern.

And this pair in particular has called for some pig-headedness. The first one had several mistakes, and came out too big (I *did* knit a swatch, but clearly not a big enough one); with the second one I lost the game of yarn chicken so had to finish off in a different colour; then I unravelled the first one and started all over again.

Of course, with knitting it’s a choice to keep on going. One could easily put it back in the box and sulk; and quite often I do. With bigger, harder things it isn’t a choice: what else are you going to do? And yet I think we can be proud of ourselves for doing it.

(The pattern is ‘Christmas Eve’ from Niina Laitinen’s ‘Knitted Socks from Finland’, which I borrowed from the library purely on the strength of knowing the translator. I doubt I’ll get it done by Christmas Eve, but I’ve just renewed the book so I have it until 18 January…)

December Reflections 18: silver

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A card of stud earrings in various shapes and designs, including lizards, fruit, ammonites, gems,

I’ve been wearing stud earrings much more lately (used to go for dangly ones, but they just aren’t practical with little grabby hands around). Mostly gold-coloured ones, but I’ve picked up a few silver ones – the ammonites and the lizards were new this year.

I got an extra pair of ear piercings, too. It’s quite fun to experiment with different combinations – though what I’m wearing at the moment is more of a ‘first thing that came to hand’ and only one pair is strictly a pair. The trouble with studs is that I keep losing the backs.