Ten years ago, I was almost exactly at the mid-point of university, half-way through my second year. I lived in the House of Weird (12 Mowbray Avenue, Exeter) with people who are still my best friends. I was, by and large, having a whale of a time. Ten-years-ago me was bright, cheerful, had a social life that current-me remembers with affection and mild envy. She spent her time reading, walking, planning extravagant fancy-dress parties. Ten-years-ago me was having a fantastic time, and, more to the point, knew it. I’m not sure that there’s a huge amount that I could teach her.
Knowing what I know now, I would tell my ten-years-ago self,
just these few things that might have made her life a bit easier:
– bisexuality is an identity that exists, and you are perfectly entitled to adopt it at this point in your life. Even though you are not sure that anything with ‘sexual’ in it applies to you. Even though you are thinking seriously about permanent celibacy.
– that thing from last year? Not your fault. Not your fault at all. He was taking advantage of your being socialised to be nice. You don’t need to feel guilty about it any longer.
– you are allowed to say ‘yes’ the first time. People don’t ask you to do things unless they want you to.
– you are allowed to spend money on yourself, to buy yourself nice things. It isn’t your job to mitigate the shortcomings of the entire world by depriving yourself.
– don’t set your heart on the Church (not that she’d have listened to me on that one. She didn’t listen to anyone else!)
And (the one thing that might have changed things):
Don’t forget this. Don’t forget who you are now. This is a high, and I think you know it. Just see if you can’t find a way to carry some of this momentum forwards into what comes next.
And:
No matter, because you did well. Good job. Keep it up.
Kathleen Jowitt 